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This is how I feel when I watch, "A Show with Ze Frank..." Illuminated I have a case of the, "Supposedtobes," I was, “supposed to wake up with energy today,” and not wake up feeling tired and sick. It was, “supposed to be a lovely day,” where I would walk around this little French town and find little things for both of us to laugh at. I was, “supposed to be happy,” but mostly I was, “supposed to be,” the sort of me that doesn’t get the, “Supposedtobes.” You see, those are the worst loops; being sad that you're sad getting anxious that you're anxious being disappointed in yourself that you get disappointed in yourself. It can be disappointing, you know? I do all that work to be content and grounded and happy and then, "today," hits me like a chute in, "Chutes and Ladders." And not only am I down here but I look up at that ladder and I'm exhausted by the energy of each rung The engine's dead, rung... rung... rung... You know what it feels like? It feels like that little drop of sweat that you feel on the small of your back on a hot day you know what I'm talking about? You feel it cold, form and trickle down into the back of your butt and I think about all the energy that that little bead of sweat put into getting out of my body to help me feel cooler. And how it's heading straight into my ass. We need to come up with a name for that poor little bastard. But today, it's named, "Ze." But I know it's a trap to think this way, to think that my life is a game of, "Chutes and Ladders." To think that "feeling down" is the same thing as "moving backwards." To think that the right metaphor to use is the metaphor of a line. You know, sometimes I like to imagine that I own a pawn shop maybe it's somewhere here in the south of France. And everyday an old man walks in with a bag and he pulls a "today" out of that bag and sets it on the counter and says "Can you fix it?" Some "todays" are lovely little mechanical toys and they just need some winding and then they run on their own. And then there's a song and dancing ladies in secret compartments. But some "todays" are like a rusted clock with missing parts and a broken face you wind it up and nothing happens. And on those "todays" I have to work. I have to open them up and look inside and remove the dirt and get out my little tools and spare parts. And maybe call my friends and ask them whether they've seen "todays" like this one and how did they fix them? Some "todays" are badly bent and even if you do get them to work they certainly don't shine and sparkle. Some "todays" are so complicated that you just have to shake them and hope things fall into place. And some "todays?" Some "todays" are just fucked And on those days you can laugh at the old man for imagining that they could be fixed by anyone. And at the end of each day that old man comes back and collects and some days I'm beaming and proud and some days I failed. But each day I do get a little better at fixing "todays" and I have some new tricks and tools when I see a similar one. And those, "Supposedtobes?" Take those to the shop up the street I don't fix things that don't exist. (Four Harmonized voices) "Thanks for watching A Show! With Ze Frank! Bye Bye! Until Next time Bye Bye!"
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