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Comments (0) :: Transcription ::
I hope you let me warm up a bit. It’s b-b-been a while. These episodes are shot in HD, and if you don’t know what HD stands for it stands for Huh-giant-pain-in-the-ass-Duh. Back in my day, and I mean my day, not your day, video blogs were just a single pixel: All you did was choose a color and gave it a title, and that was it, and we were happy. And if you wanted to leave a comment you just took out a Sharpie and you wrote directly on the screen. Speaking of Sharpies, a guy named Rubrickable wrote a Youtube comment that said: “Ze, just remember: a lot of people donated money to help you do this thing." "It would be really funny if you just posted a year’s worth of videos of you writing messages on your nipples with a Sharpie." Dude, Rubrickable, number one, you’re crazy. And b), you could never find a Sharpie that big, I have what’s called truly inverted nipples. Which means where I would normally have a nipple, I have a patch of ordinary, and by that I mean pale as shit, skin, while the rest of me is covered by nipple skin. And that’s why I can’t be touched and I can't go out in the cold, because then I just pucker up and I can’t move at all. But listen, we were talking about back in my day, not your day, my day. Back in my day you could only send a single email each day and there was no way to reply. In my day there was only one advertisement for one item and we all bought it and we all thought ours was better than everyone else’s. Back in my day there were no cell phones, you would just speak your message directly into someone’s mouth and they would hold their breath and pass it on to somebody else’s mouth until it got to the person you were trying to reach. Ordering a pizza was a bitch! Back in my day thousands of us would gather at night, and we would all inflate helium balloons, and we would pull the earth so close to the moon that we would just hold our breaths and jump, and flip, and land, and then quick jump back. Back in my day wars were slow and bullets were slow; They would just hang there in the air. And children would run out onto the battlefield with butterfly nets and scoop them up, while the soldiers played cards and argued about television. Can’t we all just choose to remember these things? Can’t we all agree that we all swam through the same abandoned train tunnel that was filled with rainwater? Aren’t memories just dreams we have while we’re awake? Boom! The brilliant Lee Hall has agreed to animate your dreams. Go to ashow.zefrank.com and click on "Missions" to submit your audio. Keep it under 25 seconds or less, don't perform it, just be conversational. He won’t get to all of them, but the ones that he does get to will be pretty great. Here’s one: I was on top of this giant science facility that had pipes and things coming off it, it was real steampunk looking, And off in the distance there were these giant, giant waves that would crash up to the clouds and smash them to pieces. And there was a bell tower on top of this science thing, and I knew that if I got to the top and rung the bell, then the waves would stop. I hope you’ll let me warm up a bit. It’s b-b-b-been a while.
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