I'm flying! And this is A show with Ze Frank. I'm tired and I'm cranky. I'm not gonna lie to ya, yet. Now I am. Recursion! IHaveTenFingers writes: Ze, talk about current events! Please? IHaveTenFingers, I tried. But every single event that I read about had already happened. Lame! Current events doesn't even mean what current events is supposed to mean. You know what we should do? We should put periods in it. Like current-period events-period. Then you can make it mean whatever you want it to mean! Like how Sony took the phrase "make believe" which means one of the coolest aspects of the human consciousness, and they put periods in it! And now it means, make sure you buy Sony products, and believe us, we're using advertising like this to try to recapture the glory days of the Walkman! If you don't know what a Walkman is, imagine an iPod that can only carry about 20 songs, and every time you listen to a song, the quality goes down just a little bit, until one day it eats up and destroys ALL of your songs. Trust me, at the time, it was like MAGIC. Or like how Syria took the word "ceasefire" and they put PERIODS in it. Now it means "cease protesting, or we'll fire on your ass!" Anyways, you want a current-period events-period? KAAAHAHHH! That's one - that just happened! You want another one? I'll give you another one. Every time I go out my door, there's this giant frickin' cat STARING at me! Yeah, and I'm like, why is this giant frickin' cat staring at me, and then I realize my landlord put pebbles everywhere: over there, over there, over there... You know what pebbles look like to a cat that size? Kitty litter! And a cat poops like three times its body weight in an hour! So every day, I don't know if I'm gonna walk out to a giant pile of cat poop, and you know what else? You know that tree, the tree next to the giant cat? I swear there's bees up there. And I'm afraid of bees! I know they're in some kind of worldwide decline, waiting for a government bailout, but that's not gonna happen in an election year. Half of Congress is gonna be like, "It's all about the WORKER bees! Let's set up education programs to teach them about the flowers, maybe unionize them..." And the other half'd be like, "No, it's all about incentivizing the QUEEN bees - without them, there'd be no worker bees. And forget about taking away their tax breaks!" And let me tell you another thing: honey comes out of a bee's BUTT. Don't tell me otherwise, 'cause I don't want to live in a world where nothing good comes out of a butt. Anyways, Iran is threatening to sue Google because it didn't put the words "Persian Gulf" on its map of the Persian Gulf. And then Google says, "There's a lot of bodies of water that we don't put names on," even though they put names on every tiny little body of water AROUND the Persian Gulf. There is some controversy about the name "Persian Gulf" and Google just chose to remove it! Clive Holes, an Oxford professor, summed it up by saying: "You kind of own something if it's called the way you want it called." Current-period events-period. KHAAAA Today, I have a special treat for you. One of my favorite photographers in the whole world, Bill Wadman, is gonna give us an assignment. Here it is! Okay, here's your assignment: Find someone you love, point a camera at them, say, "I love you," and then take a picture the MOMENT they react. Don't cheat! Do what the man says! It's not about having a fancy camera; it's all about the moment. Upload your picture to the Bill Wadman mission on ashow.zefrank.com. Bill's gonna choose one that catches his eye, and that person will win one of these: a siiiigned poster. Remember, it's all about the moment. And now, the brilliant animator Lee Hall will animate one of your dreams. So I had this dream where I kind of only remember a bit of it, and at some point there was Lego raining from the sky. And... Lego men, as well. And then it kind of skips forward, and I'm feeling really ill, and I vomit all of this, this color. Bye bye, it's the bye-bye song...